


Play Parts of Tomorrow

by Zaccari



Category: Kane (Band), Leverage RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 08:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaccari/pseuds/Zaccari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian can’t help thinking about where to from here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play Parts of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you goes to meredevachon for beta’ing this in record time and helping me when, as per normal, I lost all perspective of what I was writing.   
> kubis and violetknights also helped in a huge way with a super quick beta and the reassurance thing.  
> All of that being said though, I played around after they sent it back so all remaining mistakes are my fault.
> 
> Disclaimer: If I owned them I'd be on an island watching them feed each other grapes. Seriously, not mine. I do actually know this. And my sick brain made this all up, I know that as well.

~Christian’s POV~

Steve’s The Beatles fanatic, not me.

Not that I won’t enjoy them and sing along with ‘I wanna hold your hand’ when it’s on the radio, it’s just that when it’s my turn to pick the music, it’ll be Johnny Cash over John Lennon every time.

Lennon, though, he has these killer lyrics – ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans’.

I’m not sure I’ve ever planned out too much in my life though. C’mon, I’m still the guy that quit college and drove across nearly half a dozen states with nothing more than my truck and a couple of hundred dollars to my name. But even if I never had a plan as such, in the back of my mind I had this vision. It was never like I was going to be this multi millionaire, Oscar winning Tom Cruise type, hell; even I’m not that short but I’d be settled in a role, or roles, where I’d be excited to get up in the morning, and, there’d be music. I didn’t know exactly how there’d be music either, but it’d have to be there because it’s as much a part of me as acting is.

My vision also included my family – Momma, Daddy, and Jenn with her babies. Brandon was there, so were the amazing friends I’ve made along the way. The friends I have are seriously a gift from God.

Where everything got a little hazy wasn’t when I thinking about Jenn’s babies but when I was contemplating my own. I wanted them; I still want them, but I could never make the girls I dated fit into the pictures my mind flashed before my eyes. For a while I thought Whitney could or maybe that should be I tried like the stubborn fuck I am to make it be Whitney.

It was David that politely (that is slapped me upside the head when we were both a good two thirds drunk) told me that if I kept trying to force Whitney into the hole in my life I’d end up in the divorce court soon enough, but it would be too late to remove the scar from my soul.

Apparently I’m not the kind of guy that should ever get divorced. I’m too traditional, or soft-hearted, or some such shit.

Really, this is coming from the good Catholic boy whose divorce nearly shattered him. Christ, he’s spent years working on getting that annulment so Jaden wouldn’t be seen as illegitimate in the eyes of the church.

Whit’s a sweetheart, and I still talk to her whenever we’re both in Nashville, but nobody believes we’re dating anymore. If they ever did in the first place.

Since all of that, my non-existent plan and vaguely half formed vision has formed into some kind of reality, or as close as things ever get to reality in L.A. I have a killer character in a fucking amazing show. I have music, that even with label hiccups and the like, I still love. And I have my family, my friends and more blessings than one smart mouthed cowboy from Oklahoma deserves really.

So what does any of this have to do with John Lennon?

Well, while I was almost attempting to plan, life kept handing me Jared Padalecki.

Over and over and over.

Life can be a persistent ass.

Except that life should have sent me a memo on exactly what I was meant to do with my, umm, present.

“You look like you’re thinking awful hard there, Kane.”

The whole living thing never came with an instruction book; I guess it’s just lucky for me that it came with a Dave.

“Just waiting for your chronically late ass to get there, Boreanaz.”

Dave just laughs as he quickly gives me a one armed hug before sitting down opposite me.

“And you thought what exactly? You’d kill the entire five minutes I was running late by solving the whole world peace thing? Your face has this constipated thing going on and make up is going to love you, because it’s going to take a trowel and some heavy duty spackle to get rid of those frown lines you’re working on.”

Any smart assed answer I might have given Dave is temporarily shelved as a sweet little girl takes our orders and I’m mentally reminding myself to double the normal tip we’d leave because when Dave and I smile at her she just smiles back but doesn’t suddenly think we’re inviting her for a threesome.

Sadly, it’s happened before. Like last week.

When she leaves us though, there’s absolutely nowhere for me to hide.

“So, Christian, want to talk about it?”

If I say no, or not yet, Dave will just launch into an endless supply of Jaden is fantastically brilliant stories and I’ll be happy to let him. But if I say no, who else am I going to talk to about whatever it is I’m feeling and can’t put my finger on?

“I think I do, but I’m kind of confused when it comes to what I should be talking about exactly.”

Other than Jared should probably be mentioned in there somewhere.

“Okay, so how about I ask questions about what I think is going on and we take it from there?”

Is it too late to change my mind about the whole talking thing? Dave’s questions, well, let’s just say he has this talent of asking the one question you don’t even want to think about, let alone answer.

But I’m still answering Dave with a shrug then a quick nod that I know he’ll take as a ‘go for it’ sign.

“How’s Jared?”

I fucking knew that was coming.

“Sweet Jesus, Boreanaz, you couldn’t start with ‘how’s work’?”

“I could have, but why would I? I know how work is going, I speak to you at least once a week and it always comes up. But, c’mon, Christian, give me some credit for knowing how your mind works after all these years.”

I shouldn’t, I really, really shouldn’t, but that doesn’t stop me from asking anyway.

“So how does it work, oh great David?”

He can’t reach me with his hands because of the way he’s leaning back in his seat watching me with unshaded eyes, so of course he kicks his toes into mine.

“Do we really have to go through this whole insult and indignation routine, Kane? Just this once can’t you tell me what’s bugging you about Jared, or more to the point you and Jared, so I can at least try to help.”

“I don’t know if you can help, Dave.”

There’s no smart assing that comment, because he knows I’m trying to be serious here. David always knows when I’m trying.

“Maybe, maybe not, but what have you got to lose by talking to me anyway?”

Well, when it gets laid out to me like that…I guess fuck all is your answer.

“I keep thinking about my family – the one I want to have with…whomever I mean, not my parents and my sister.”

Hello? Where the fuck did that come from? I open my mouth and what the fuck falls out? Because seriously, that’s not what’s bugging me.

Really. It’s not.

For once though, Dave doesn’t see what I’ve said for the shit it is, he just answers a question I’m fairly sure I never asked.

“Seems kind of natural to me. You’re like the world’s greatest uncle to Jenn’s kids, and Jaden pretty much thinks you hung the moon. Christ, man, even Tim tends to call you first for a baby sitter nowadays. With all of that, and the whole you’re in your thirties thing, why wouldn’t you be thinking about being a dad?”

“That’s just it, I haven’t been! Fuck, I don’t know why I even said that. I’ve got plenty of time for all that kind of thing.”

My hands are running through my hair now, I’m guessing if I pull hard enough on it, I’ll come to my senses and stop saying this shit.

Another knock from Dave’s feet, only this time it’s far from gentle, stops the tangent my brain was off on and brings me back to the café.

“Christian, stop it. I know you, you may not think this has been on your mind, but you don’t say this kind of thing to hear the sound of your own voice. You’re been telling me there’s plenty of time for you and kids for as long as I’ve known you. But I can picture you as clear as day holding Jaden when he was barely two days old whispering more to yourself than anybody else about how you couldn’t wait to be cradling your own baby. So, at the risk of repeating myself, again, admit it’s on your mind and for once in your fucking life stop fighting both of us and talk.”

Just as Dave finishes his little tirade, the waitress brings our food over like she’s been waiting for right moment to butt in. Once she’s served out food, she disappears again.

Oh yeah, that tip she’s getting just keeps getting bigger.

Now that the food’s in front of me, I really don’t want the steak and fries I ordered anymore, but I’m at least trying to pick at it as I try and work out where to start with the whole talking thing.

“I want kids.”

I’ve given up even trying to guess what I’m going to say next, but as a starting point, that works I guess.

“That’s not exactly a newsflash, Christian. In fact it falls into the category of ‘No shit, Sherlock’.”

Well, try this one on for size then, Boreanaz.

“I want them sooner rather than later, David. I want them while I’m young enough to coach them when they play in the peewee league. I don’t want to wait much longer and don’t you think I should have somebody to have them with before I start painting the nursery?”

You know, if I had a fucking house with a room that could be a nursery.

More for something to do than anything else, I slice of some of the steak and put it in my mouth. Dave waits until I’ve chewed the shit out of it and swallowed before he speaks again.

“I guess that brings me back to my original question – how’s Jared?”

Yeah, Christian, how’s Jared?

“Jared’s good, Dave, he’s Jared. But he’s also a kid in his twenties whose life is all falling into place with his career and pretty much everything else. He had one girl for four years, and there’s another on the horizon now. I’m just the bit on the side that ten years from now will fall into the category of delayed experimentation.”

Seriously, he’s got his whole life in front of him, and it’s looking like the path he’ll be walking is totally golden. Me? I’ve totally given up on the dissection of my steak and just lay my knife and fork down while I wait for whatever Dave’s going to broadside me with next.

I only have to wait long enough for him to choke on the beer he was trying to take a mouthful of when I finished talking.

“You…fuck! Christian, what’s anybody supposed to say to that? I suppose it’s too much for you to have talked to Jared about any of this, isn’t it? The kids, the together thing, anything that doesn’t involve a horizontal surface and lube?”

“What’s to talk about, Dave? It’s not like this is a relationship or anything. Did you miss the part where I said Jared is somebody who has everything laid out in front of him right now?”

“Including you?”

Sometimes I really fucking hate you, Boreanaz.

But not enough to lie to you.

“Yes, including me. For as long as he wants me.”

That won’t be for much longer though. In the last month I’ve barely heard from him twice and he was drunk for one of those phone calls.

The other one was me calling Jensen.

“I want kids, Dave, but I don’t think I’ll ever have them.”

And that’s not because I prefer people without a uterus in my bed.

“Christian…”

I don’t know what Dave is going to say, but I know I can’t cope with it right now so it’s time to be changing the subject.

“Not right now, David, I’m done with this for the moment. Just…tell me about Jaden, how’s school going? When can I get your ass over to direct my incredibly wonderful show?”

Talk to me, Dave, please, about anything but Jared and babies.

And he does. He talks until I’m smiling, and then he talks until my smile looks like something real.

The jealousy in my gut? Well it’s not like that’s anything but a very old friend now, is it?

~*~

~David’s POV~

This isn’t right.

I don’t care what Christian is trying to sell me, hell! I doubt he even knows what’s going on himself, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s just not right.

Now I just have to ask myself if sticking my nose in where it’s anything but welcome will just make it ten times worse.

Ten seconds later when the answer to that question is how can it get any worse for Christian and I don’t really care about Jared’s peace of mind, I’m asking myself what happens if I do something that Christian can’t forgive me for.

Then again, it’s not like he believes him and Jared have anything I could upset anyway.

If you take out the part where Christian is in love with Jared, of course. Which is also the part Christian hasn’t exactly woken up to yet.

Fuck.

“Daddy?”

One word and seeing Jaden standing the doorway with his football dispels any doubts about what to do that I don’t think I ever had in the first place.

“Hey you, c’mere. I don’t think I’ve had enough love from you today.”

I’m ‘Dad’ more than I’m ‘Daddy’ now, but Jaden comes close enough for me to pull him into my lap, then squeeze him as hard as I dare. He moans out a pained ‘Dadddddd’ but he also holds onto me at the same time. 

Christian deserves to have this. If not with Jared, then somebody.

And if that somebody isn’t Jared, Jared needs to just stay the fuck away from Christian while he finds the somebody that is.

Pulling back, the smile I give Jaden is nothing short of pure joy as I brush the hair from his eyes.

“So, is there any particular reason you came in here with a football? Wait, hang on, I know, you want to go fishing right?”

Christian took Jaden and me fishing once, then promptly regretted it, before announcing he was never taking me anywhere near any kind of body of water ever again.

He still takes Jaden every couple of months.

“No, Daddy, no fishing.” This kid has the best laugh. “But can you come throw the ball with me? Coach says I need some practice.”

I highly doubt that’s what the coach said, because the dad that coaches Jaden’s team rarely says anything to the boys that isn’t a variation of ‘awesome job, well done’. It’s a huge part of the reason I agreed to let Jaden play when he was still so young but if he wants to go throw the ball around, who am I to argue?

“I just have to a phone call to make first, buddy. But why don’t you go ask Mom for a couple of cookies and a glass of milk, and by the time you’re done eating, I’ll be ready to go.”

“Cool!”

And just like that, he’s off. I bet he tells Jamie I said he could have at least six cookies, which means he’ll end up with at least four.

Okay, David, deep breath. Yeah, I’m never going to be ready for this, so I’m picking up the phone and dialling a number I only have because Christian wanted to make sure I could get hold of him one time when he was in Vancouver and Jaden was sick.

I’m debating about whether or not I want Jared to pick up or not when he does exactly that.

“Hello?”

Here goes over a decade of friendship in one foul swoop.

“Hi, Jared. It’s David. Boreanaz.”

Because I have no idea how many David’s he may or may not know.

“Oh. Oh. Hey, man. If you’re looking for Jensen, he’s not here, he’s out with Dani, and if Chris told you he was coming up here, he never made it. Chris…there’s nothing wrong with him is there?”

No, that last part wasn’t a complete afterthought, was it?

“I’m not looking for Jensen, and I’m kind of glad he’s not there right now. I know where Christian is, and whether or not there’s something wrong with him is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Okay, sure, shoot. But I’ve only got a few minutes, Gen’s on her way over.”

Gen, with a G.

I might as well hang up now, I already know where this is going to go.

Fuck, Christian, couldn’t you have picked Steve?

“Yeah, well, this won’t take long. See, I was going to ask you what your intensions were with Christian, but you kind of just answered that, so I’m just going to lay it all out there. Christian wants a life that includes kids and a home and somebody he can love with every cell of his body. Somebody he can spoil, and look after and make them feel like they are his reason for being alive, which they will be. Right now though, he’s in love with you, he’d kill for all of that with you and I don’t think you give a flying fuck. I hate you a little bit for that, but of all people, I know you can’t pick and chose who you fall in love with. But here’s the thing, you can stop stringing Christian on. You want some guy to fuck when you’re horny and your girlfriend’s pussy isn’t tight enough, there’s a few streets in Vancouver that are full of them. If you don’t want what he wants, and I think we both know you don’t, just leave him the fuck alone. Stay away, let him get over you and find somebody that will fucking appreciate everything that he is but still help him be more.”

The reaction I was expecting, okay, hoping for, was along the lines of the Mount St Helens eruption. What I get is an eighth graders science experiment without enough baking soda.

“What the fuck are you on about, Boreanaz? Chris is in love with me? He wants a family with me? Seriously, I thought you were meant to be the stable family man, not smoking more weed than Steve on a Saturday night.”

He’s laughing. Jared is laughing and not even trying to hide it.

“It’s two consenting adults having some fun, which is something I wasn’t aware had to be cleared with you first.” 

“Believe me, don’t believe me, I don’t much care, Padalecki but what I’m saying isn’t changing. Stay away from Christian. Let him have the life he wants.”

“Yeah, dude, whatever gets you through the night. I’ve got to go, Gen’s here.”

I think both of us disconnect at the same time.

I did what I could, it’s not enough, and I can’t stop the freight train that Christian’s going to have slam into him at full speed. I can’t save one of my best friends from what I know is coming and, God that hurts.

“Dad, c’mon!”

“Coming!”

Neither Jamie or Jaden comment when I walk out of my study and bring them both into my arms holding on for dear life. Kissing my beautiful girl, I put Jaden down before grabbing the ball from his hands.

“C’mon you, let’s go see how good that throwing arm of yours is.”

Jamie strokes my face then kisses me again, telling me as only she can that whatever it is is going to be okay. I know she’s right, I don’t argue with my wife, but I can’t help but thinking okay is more than a little way down the road just yet.

~*~

~Christian’s POV~

That person banging at my door is going to die just as soon as I can answer it. There’s no fucking way I can stop stirring this sauce for the next thirty seconds, so whoever that is, and it’s probably Aldis arriving early as per normal, is just gonna have to wait.

It’s a good thing that muttering under my breath can’t curdle Hollandaise because the person thumping on my door hasn’t stopped and I somehow seriously doubt it’s Aldis anymore.

However, when I’m throwing open the damn door to kill whoever is on the other side and annoying my neighbours, I can honestly say the last person I was expecting to see standing there is Jared.

But here he is anyway. 

“Ummm, hey.”

C’mon, Christian, you can do better than that.

After I open and close my mouth three times, I realise that no, I can’t.

He’s going to have to say something or we’re still going to be standing here when everybody arrives.

“Is it true? Are you in love with me?”

And I would have appreciated anything but that.

I am going to fucking kill Boreanaz, because this fucking reeks of him and his misplaced good intentions.

“C’mon inside, Jared.”

“No, I want a fucking answer.”

Sometimes I forget how young he is, but this isn’t one of those times. He sounds like a cranky two year old right before they pitch the toddler patent ‘I want it and I want it now’ tantrum.

“And I’m not fucking having this conversation in the hallway of my apartment block, so you can come inside or you can fuck off, your choice. Beside, I’m in the middle of cooking dinner, I’ve got people coming over.”

There’s no waiting to see what he’s going to do, I just turn and walk back to my kitchen. I only wish there was something I had left to chop or beat the shit out of. Nope, I’ve got everything perfectly timed so that’ll be ready when everybody gets here in five minutes.

Jared’ll be gone by then, if he’s not already. 

“You never answered my question.”

I never heard the front door close. God, I hope he closed the fucking door.

I’m not turning around to face him, I’m just keep my eyes forward, staring at the wall in front of me. It’s white, and blank, and I really should paint it. Blue’s a nice colour.

“What difference would it make if I did, Jared?”

“I’d know the truth. Don’t you think I have a right to know the truth?”

Green. Green’s a calming colour for the wall, right?

“What the fuck would it change? Whether you know the whole truth is irrelevant, I’ve never lied to you.”

The hand in my shoulder hurts as the fingers dig in and spin me around. I really don’t know why the fuck he’s so angry.

“Lying by omission-“

“Is a load of horse shit. I never fucking lied to you, Jared. I never said I was in this for the sex, though why on earth you’d think I was is beyond me. Once every month or so is not what a decent fuck buddy is about. I never said I didn’t care about you, I never said I didn’t want more and I never fucking once asked you for anything more than you gave freely. Am I in love with you? Yes, I am. Do I wish you could be what I want you to be? Fuck yes. Do I know you aren’t? Yeah, I do, with every breath in my body. What the fuck do you want from me, Jared? Why are you even here? We haven’t seen each other for two months now, I know you’re seeing Genevieve so I just don’t understand why the hell you aren’t still riding off into the sunset without me.”

“You don’t think I’d want to know the person I was fucking was in love with me?”

Does he not see what’s wrong with that sentence?

“Well you know now, so you tell me, what difference does it make? Are you here to tell me you love me too and beg me to wear your ring? No, you fucking aren’t. So, c’mon tell me, enlighten me, what fucking difference does it make to anything?”

“I’m not ready to be responsible for anybody else’s feelings, and I’m sure as fuck not ready to be talking about families and kids and shit.”

Jamie’s going to make such a beautiful widow.

“Did I ask you to be? Did I once fucking breathe a word about any kind of future we’d have together? C’mon, Jared, tell me, did I? What part of you could have stayed gone are you not understanding?”

“No, you fucking didn’t tell me anything, you had your best friend and goddamn guard dog do the dirty work for you. ‘Love him, make ass babies with him, or leave him the fuck alone’ that’s what Boreanaz told me, Chris. Doesn’t that strike you as a little too high schoolish? What’s next, is Jensen going to pass me a note with a check yes or no box?”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“You heard me, Padalecki, get the fuck out. I have my friends coming over, the food is almost ready and I don’t fucking want you here anymore.”

I know I’m ugly when I’m angry, but let me tell you, Jared looks just as bad.

“Not man enough to have it out with me face to face, Kane?”

“What the fuck is there to have out, Jared? Dave told you something I wish he fucking hadn’t, okay, it’s done. Much like we were fucking done before you came storming in here for God only knows what reason. You don’t love me, you aren’t ready for kids and even when you are it won’t be with me, great, fantastic, but you’re not telling me shit I haven’t known for a very long time. You don’t want me in love with you? Fine, because right now I don’t fucking like you much at all anyway, but just get the fuck out of my house, and out of my life and we’ll leave each other completely alone. See problem totally fucking solved.”

“I never asked for you to love me.”

“What the fuck are you so angry about?”

Christ, somebody will be here any minute, one of them is always early. 

“I never asked for any of this!”

“What makes you think I did, Jared?”

There’s the doorbell…that nobody ever rings. That can only mean whoever is out there has heard the fighting. Then again, I’m fairly sure Vancouver heard pretty much everything as clear as a bell.

“I have to get that.”

Why am I telling him? I am telling him, right?

Beth is on the other side of the door when it opens and I’ve never been so grateful for anything as I am when she steps straight into my arms. She’s whispering something against my neck, but the words don’t matter, they’re not important, she is.

She’s still tucked into my side when I turn back to Jared who apparently following me into the living room.

“Tell Jensen I said hi.”

“Whatever.”

Jared looks like thunder when he stomps out, slamming the door behind him. I just wish he’d taken all the storm clouds with him when he left. But he hasn’t and I feel like what he’s left behind is going to smother me so badly I’ll never see the sun again. 

“Christian, sweetheart, it’s okay. C’mon, Okie.”

The hands rubbing over my back are soft and when I look at her I’m trying to smile.

“Okie?”

“You’d rather Tex?”

“No.”

Not right now.

“You okay, Christian? Actually, no, strike that, I can see you aren’t. Is there anything I can do? Like follow whoever that was and kick his ass?”

I know she knows who that was, just like I know she’d actually go and try to kick his ass.

“No…just no. How about you set the table, I go organise the food and I promise that when I can, I’ll talk to somebody. Is that all right?” 

“As long as you promise.”

This time my smile actually looks like a smile; not my smile, but a smile.

“I promise.”

Stepping back, Beth swats at my ass.

“Good, now go, because you know Aldis won’t have eaten all day knowing you were cooking for us.”

Okay, so the clouds won’t choke the oxygen from my lungs, but I still believe it’ll be a while before I see the sun.

~*~

~Jared’s POV~

“For fuck’s sake, Jared, if you don’t remove the bug from your ass I swear I’ll remove it for you - with a fucking baseball bat!”

Yeah, I guess I’ve pissed off Jen. Again. 

Or is that still considering the last time was only yesterday.

I’ve really got to stop doing that, and I guess I’ve got to go apologise, again. Maybe this time I can say it and work on making it stick, because Jensen’s right, I’ve been a fucking asshole.

Lucky for me I guess that Jen only went as far as the backyard where he can play catch with the dogs. Well, with Harley, Sadie has days when catch is just beneath her stature in her world.

Grabbing two beers, I walk out onto the deck and just sit on the steps, waiting for Jen to join me.

But he doesn’t, he just keeps on throwing the ball for Harley.

“It’s not going to be that easy this time, Jay. You’ve said you’re sorry and promised me it won’t happen again so many times that it doesn’t mean shit anymore. So if that’s all you’re going to say, don’t bother.”

Well, that was up front.

“Then what am I meant to say, Jen?”

“I don’t know, here’s a novel idea, you could talk about what’s eating you up inside. Is it something about Genevieve? Though I don’t know how it can be, fuck, man, you get laid more than hotel room sheets.”

There’s a simile I refuse to look any deeper into.

“It’s not Genevieve.”

“Then what, Jay? Seriously, talk to me here. Is it Sandy? Is that it, you want your ex back?”

“No. And yes.”

“What the fuck?”

Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction as well. To the realisation and to the fact I just open my mouth and admitted it.

But at least Jensen has stopped with the ball thing and is coming over to sit beside us. Harley comes over and falls over Jensen’s feet figuring that’s as good a spot as any to lie down.

Sadie is still looking at us like we’ve lost our collective minds, and she’s not far wrong really.

“Jared, keep talking. You want Sandy back? Because seriously, man, I don’t think there’s much chance of that happening. She wasn’t just pissed at you; we’re talking wanting to carve bite sized chunks of meat from your bones and feeding them to rabid coyotes one piece at a time.”

“I know.”

And I deserved it. Fuck, did I deserve it.

“But Sandy was the no part of my previous answer. I think I want one of my exes back, but it’s not Sandy. Though I probably have more chance with her than I do with…him.”

There’s one huge intake of breath then nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t want to meet Jensen’s eyes, but he’s that quiet I have to make sure he’s still breathing.

“Jensen?”

“No.”

The word is that quiet it takes me a minute to realise he actually spoke it rather than me just imagining he did.

“I mean it, Jared, no. You can’t. It’s been six months, and do you know what’s been happening for those six months?”

He knows the answer to that, but I’m voicing it anyway.

“No, I don’t, because you make sure you never mention him…Christian, when I’m around.”

“Fuck.”

I just can’t keep holding Jensen’s glare so my eyes drop to stare at my thighs.

“Seriously, Jared, fuck! That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you call him Christian and not Chris. You just never seemed to realise before that Christian doesn’t actually like being called Chris by people he actually cares about, and now…fuck, Jared. Do you know why I haven’t mentioned Christian? Because nobody would let me near him. You might think I’m joking, but I’m not. Steve would make sure Christian was somewhere else whenever I was in town, and if Steve didn’t, Dave sure as fuck did. Not to mention Aldis and that Beth chick, fuck me, talk about a pit bull protecting her pup, you’d think Christian was her kid. Everybody was so afraid I’d bring you with me that I didn’t see Christian for five months, I still don’t have his new phone number. I’m sorry, Jared, but you just can’t.”

“He said he loves me, Jen.”

Gee, that doesn’t sound pitiful. Much.

“He didn’t just say it, man. Christian isn’t one to use that word unless he means it. Is that what this is about? Guilt because Christian was in love with you? Or is because you think he might be getting over you and your ego need some more boosting?”

What the…?

“How the fuck could you say that, Jensen? I’m not like that!”

“I’m sorry, Jared, but you are. C’mon, this is me here, I don’t buy into the big dumb puppy song and dance. Even Harley’s not as stupid as you sometimes want people to think you are. I know you kept Christian dangling, saw him just enough to keep him hanging and hopeful, gave just enough to keep him thinking one day, maybe. Whether you ever admitted it to yourself or not, you knew what he felt for you, and you fucking enjoyed the fact you could keep one of the most cocksure guys we know completely whipped. Only thing is, you should have known Christian isn’t his own stereotype. He’s the biggest fucking sap of a teddy bear who would do anything for somebody he cares about and he cared about you enough to not ask for a single fucking thing from you.”

I want so fucking badly to argue that point with Jensen, but I seem to have forgotten how to make my voice work. I’m opening my mouth and nothing is coming out.

Jen’s not having that problem though.

“I don’t know, maybe after Sandy you needed that, but you know what? I really wish you hadn’t needed it with one of my best friends. You might have dumped his ass, but I lost him too, Jared.”

“If I’m such an asshole why are you still here?”

Yeah, I know we have the show together, and contracts, but that’s not what I mean and we both know it.

Knocking his shoulder against mine, Jensen wraps an arm loosely around my waist.

“Because you’re one of my best friends and I love you like a brother and somewhere along the line I guess I just realised you and Christian just weren’t meant to be. But I’m serious, Jay, you can’t be thinking about getting Christian back. I know you think you want him, maybe you even think you love him, but just this once don’t think about what you want, think about what Christian needs. That’s what people do when they care about someone. It’s what Christian did for you and now it’s your turn.”

The arm around me squeezes lightly before Jensen drains the beer bottle I didn’t even know he’d picked up.

“I’m going to go get another one, you want one too?”

My only answer is a shake of my head.

Shifting Harley from his feet, Jensen kind of pats my shoulder, then walks away.

It’s going to be a cold night.

It is, but I’m still sitting on the decking steps when the sun rises god knows how many hours later.

~*~

~David’s POV~

The fact they’re taking forever to light Emily’s shot is the only reason I answer my phone. Well it’s the only reason I even know my phone was ringing, boredom is what had me actually pushing the button to pick up.

“Hello?”

“David? It’s Jared. Padalecki.”

And just like that time stops.

For maybe two seconds, because that’s as long as it takes for me to be fucking furious.

“What do you fucking want?”

Eight months, we’ve been finding pieces of the Christian jigsaw puzzle to put back into place for eight fucking months.

“I, ahh, I wanted to meet you if I could, to, umm, talk to you.”

A small part, a very small, quiet part that I really want to stomp on and smash is telling me this isn’t quite the same guy I spoke to on the phone all those months ago. The larger, louder part of me is screaming at me that neither is Christian.

“Yeah, well I’m sorry, I don’t want to.”

Actually I’m not that sorry about it.

“I…I can’t say I blame you, but please, David, I won’t take up that much of your time, but I would…rather not do this over the phone.”

“I think you can understand where I’m coming from when I say that what you would rather do or not do really doesn’t matter one fucking iota to me.”

That quiet part isn’t so quiet anymore, and if it doesn’t stop reminding me that Christian loves this jerk I’m really not going to be happy.

“Yeah, I get that. And I’m not going to say anything that’ll…well, yeah. But I will ask one last time, please meet me for coffee?”

I’m not happy.

“Cisco’s, eight next Sunday morning. Be on time because I’m not going to wait for you.”

He doesn’t get a chance to speak again before I disconnect the phone.

“Dave, we’re ready for you!”

Seeley’s pissed off about something in this scene. I nail it in one perfect take.

~*~

When next Sunday arrives, I’m determine to get the upper hand, which completely explains why I’m at the café I told Jared to meet me at at seven forty five in the morning.

I can’t help being impressed and kind of pissed, to find Jared already waiting for me. Keeping him waiting a little longer while I make a show of ordering my coffee and a muffin just make me feel better. Petty, but better.

He’s standing when I reach the table, rubbing his hands on his thighs. It’s not like either of us was ever going to be holding out a hand to other is it now?

“You said don’t be late.”

I’ve said a lot of things and that’s the one he chooses to listen to? Fuck me.

“So I did. Have you ordered?”

He actually waits for me to sit before he follows me down. What the hell is going on, because this is all a little fucking weird.

“No, I haven’t. I’m…not hungry, or not hanging around, or something. I just want to talk to you, I don’t know if I’ll be here long enough to eat whatever I ordered even if I thought it would stay down.”

He’s got my time, but I’ll be fucked if he’s going to get my sympathy as well.

“So talk.”

“I want to ask how Christian is but I won’t, mostly because I don’t think you’ll answer me anyway. So I’m just going to…fuck. I’m here asking for your permission to try and win back Christian, David.”

My head shakes, hard, like I’m trying to rattle something loose, and even that doesn’t change the sight of Jared in front of me sweating like it’s one hundred degrees in the shade.

“You…what?”

“I know I fucked up, I know the term doesn’t even come close to what I did, but…yeah, I don’t know what the but is. I do know though that I’m not even going to attempt to go behind your back to get to Christian, so I’m asking your permission to…”

“Court him?”

The smile that gets me is so damn self-depreciating and somehow kind of not.

“That term suits him, don’t you think? But yeah, I’d like to court him.”

“I think you don’t know Christian half as well as you should considering you’ve put your dick up his ass, that’s what I think. But give me one good reason why I should let you fuck him over again?”

Yeah, it’s not like I could actually stop him from seeing Christian if he doesn’t respect our boundaries like Jensen has, but I am not going to let him think some old fashioned words and a long overdue acceptance of fucking everything up are all it’s going to take.

Jared pulls at the neck of the damp t-shirt sticking to his body.

“I can’t. There’s nothing I can say that’ll come out right, or that you won’t be able to pick apart as me being self-centred, or over confident or something. I can’t give you one good reason why you should even give me the time of day. But I can promise you something – I won’t fuck him over. If I hurt him, at all, in any way, you can do whatever you want to me, because I’ll deserve it.”

Rock, meet hard place.

“I don’t want you making any promises to me, Jared, because I’m not the one that matters. But so help me God, if you ever make any promises to Christian that you don’t intend to keep, they’ll never find your body.”

When it all comes down to it, Christian still loves this guy and whatever happens should be up to him and him alone.

“Fair enough.”

“Give me your phone.”

Five minutes later I’ve stored Christian’s new address in Oregon and his phone number into Jared’s PDA before handing it back to him.

“I know you think I hate you but let’s be honest here, I don’t know you. You never made yourself a part of Christian’s life, and I think that’s something you should probably do, don’t you?”

“Not probably, will.”

“If Christian lets you.”

Somehow, I think he will, but I want it completely understood that this is all about Kane.

“If he lets me. But if we’re being honest, I intend to try damn hard to make sure he lets me.” 

You’d fucking better, Padalecki, you’d better.

“Just don’t make me regret this, and don’t cost me one of my child’s favourite people in the universe.”

My coffee arrives just as Jared stands up to leave.

“David, thank you.”

“I don’t want your thanks in words, and your actions are going to take a while.”

Jared doesn’t say anything, just tugs at his shirt again and as quietly as somebody that size can, leaves.

Please, God, look after both of them, I get the feeling they’re going to need it.

~*~

~Christian’s POV~

The first bunch of flowers arrives on Tuesday. They weren’t some stock standard roses, but the biggest bouquet of bluebonnets and mistletoe I’ve ever seen. I have no idea if both are in season right now but something tells me they aren’t. There’s no card though, which is weird, and they’re delivered to the small house I’m sharing with Beth and Pilot (the network kind of forbid Aldis and I to share a house…or anything else. We’re a bad influence on each other, who knew?). So I’ve got no fucking idea.

They sure are pretty though.

The second bunch of flowers is sitting on our doorstep when we get home after a day that went on forever. Beth’s fumbling with the keys as I carry a sleeping Pilot inside. They kind of get forgotten about as I carry her beautiful boy upstairs.

“Go get your flowers, I’ll get him into bed. Then you are so pouring me a glass of wine or three.”

“I could be talked into that.”

My hand strokes over his soft hair, just once, before I head downstairs. I open the wine and grab some glasses before I go out and grab the flowers. They’re orchids this time, in shades of purple and blue, and there’s a card. 

Addressed to Beth and Pilot. 

I guess that means the bluebonnets and the mistletoe were just a weird coincidence.

“Oh, they’re so pretty.”

Beth grabs the full glass I’m holding out to her before sitting down beside me.

“And there’s a card this time, Christian, why haven’t you opened it?”

“Because it’s not addressed to me, sweetheart.”

Looking at me like I’ve grown another head, Beth leans forward and grabs the card from the stick holder thing it’s sitting in.

“Who’d be sending me flowers? And you can’t tell me that last bunch was for me, because why would I want the state flower of Oklahoma and Texas? Yes, I Googled it, shut up. Crap, you don’t think we have a stalker do you?”

I love this girl, I really do, but damn she can make my head spin.

Reminds me of somebody else from time to time as well.

“Beth, honey, open the card.”

“Oh, yeah.”

So she does…and says absolutely nothing.

“Beth? What’s wrong? It’s not a fucking stalker, is it?”

“No, god, no, Christian. It’s a thank you.”

Okay. There’s a punch line here I’m missing somewhere.

“And a thank you is bad?”

“No, not bad. It’s a thank you…for looking after you.”

What?

Seriously, what?

But I don’t get any further than opening my mouth before somebody is at the door, knocking barely loud enough to be heard.

“You should get that, Christian. I’ll be upstairs if you need me. For anything.”

“Beth?”

A soft kiss is pressed against my cheek.

“Go answer that.”

Then she’s grabbing the open bottle of wine and her glass before heading upstairs.

The tapping at the front door starts again.

I guess I’ll be answering that.

And when I do, my brain supplies a name that I’m having trouble processing even before he turns around and fuck! I don’t remember how to breathe.

“Christian, are you okay?”

Christian?

“J...Jared?”

He steps closer, into the porch light, but not into my space.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

His name was all I could squeak out so now I’ll just stand here and shake, thank you very much.

“Christian, hey, you…fuck. You need to sit down and I don’t want to over step my bounds, so if you just walk inside I’ll follow you, is that okay?”

No, it’s not okay that I fell asleep on the couch beside Beth and now I’m going to have this fucking nightmare in front of her.

“Sit, Christian, please.”

How did we get back into the living room?

“Should I go get Beth?”

“No!”

The sound of my voice has me jumping, let alone anybody else. Quieter this time, Christian, or Beth will be coming down here to rescue your ass and then kick it for waking her kid.

“I mean, no. Umm, sit please. Am I awake?”

“You’re awake. I’m sorry to come calling so late, but I’ve been waiting for you to get back here, I thought this would be a better place to do this…”

“Do what? What are we doing?”

What the fuck was in that mouthful of wine and where is the damn rabbit hole I fell down?

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

Okay, I get it, I’m awake, Jared’s here, I just have no fucking idea what is going on.

Maybe he’s going to answer my question, but right now, I’m not giving him the chance.

“Why are you here? Why now? It’s been nine months, did Genevieve dump your ass and I’m the quickest booty call you’ve got? How did you find me, do you honestly think I’ll spread my legs because of one bunch of flowers? Why can’t you just let me get over you and fucking stay over you?”

Somewhere in the middle of that speech I jumped up and started pacing. Jared’s watching me, wringing his hands as he does but that’s all.

“I…I don’t think I can answer all of those questions in order so I’ll just start talking until you tell me to stop. Firstly, Gen didn’t dump me, I told her she wasn’t who I was looking for and I know that’s not what you want to hear so just forget I said it. I know how long it’s been, and I don’t want you to spread your legs for one, or even a hundred bunches of flowers. I’m not after any kind of booty call. Fuck I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m here because I want to see you, talk to you, and the why now is complicated, but I needed to sort my head out and talk to some people before I talked to you. But, ummm, the how I found you thing is tied in with who I had to talk to. I asked David.”

“Boreanaz? And he told you where I was?”

I’m only asking because I’d be more inclined to believe Santa Claus gave away my address than I would Dave. 

“I begged him to meet me for breakfast about a month ago.”

“Why?”

Yes, I keep coming back to that, but, seriously, why?

“Don’t take this the wrong way, please don’t, but I wanted to ask his permission.”

“For fucking what?”

I can hear the hysterical edge to my voice, the near laughter, but I’ll be damned if I know how to stop it.

“Christian, please sit down. I’ll answer whatever questions you want to throw at me, but please, just sit, you’re scaring me.”

There goes another bark of laughter.

“I’m scaring you? You turn up on my doorstep after nine months of silence, and I’m scaring you? Fuck! And since when do you call me ‘Christian’?”

But I sit. In the chair opposite the sofa.

“I talked to David, because I know how close you are to him, and I wanted to do this out in the open, not behind anybody’s back like you were a dirty secret.”

He doesn’t mention the Christian thing, and I can’t bring myself to mention is again. Something else needs to come out first.

“That’s just it, Jared, I was your dirty little secret!”

I was okay with that, but I can’t be any more.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I’m sorry I made it like that.”

“What the fuck is going on, Jared?”

“I asked David for permission to court you. To see if I could win the possibility of a second chance.”

“I…you…”

Yeah, I’ve got absolutely nothing.

Falling back in the chair, I scrub my hands over my face hard enough that my eyes start to sting. It’s my knuckles digging into them, not any kind of tears.

“Christian?”

Opening my eyes, I just stare at the ceiling without looking at Jared.

“I have no idea what you expect me to say, Jared, abso-fucking-lutely none.”

“Tonight? I don’t think there is anything you can say. Other than ‘go away, Jared, and never fucking come back’ if that’s what you want to do. That’s all you have to decide on tonight. Whether or not you ever want to see me again.”

And it’s not like that’s fucking anything major is it?

“And if I don’t tell you to fuck off, then what?”

“I’d like to maybe go out with you tomorrow, even if it’s a just walk after you’re done shooting. Maybe we could take Beth’s little boy to the park.”

“That’s it? That’s all?”

I don’t have to be looking at Jared to know he’s nodding.

“For tomorrow, yeah. I have to go back to Vancouver after that, so I’d like to be able to call you, maybe send some flowers that I don’t have to find in a florist in Australia or something. If you wanted to, a bit later, dating would be nice.”

“We’ve already fucked, Jared, don’t you think dating is a little redundant now?”

“No, I don’t. Because whatever happened before is done with and as much as it can be, I don’t want it to be a part of this. A new start, a real start. At the beginning.”

God, it would be so easy, so damn easy.

And I can’t do it.

However I can meet Jared’s eyes now.

“I don’t know how the fuck we’re meant to do that. I mean it sounds good in theory and all, but this isn’t the eternal sunshine of a fucked up couple of guys. You’ve still got the yellow brick road spread out before you, and there are things that I want…”

“You want kids.”

“How-? Fucking Dave.”

Because I know I never mentioned kids to Jared.

Leaning forward, Jared quickly shakes his head.

“No, he didn’t tell me. Fuck, he wouldn’t tell me the time of day, let alone something as personal as that about you. I just, it’s kind of obvious when you’re around kids, Christian, you just come alive. Which sounds damn weird, but you do, kids bring out this whole new you.”

“Then you should know I want them while I’m young enough to play in the mud with them.”

If that doesn’t have him high tailing it back to Canada, nothing…

“Okay.”

“What?”

“Okay. It doesn’t have to happen in the next couple of months though, does it? Because we’ll still be dating then, and I want both of us to be all kinds of sure before we start that process…whatever process we decide to go through.”

I am so fucking tired.

“I can’t keep fighting you, Jared, and I don’t want to keep fighting myself. If you want to try this, for real, we can do that but you still have to answer one question, why? What changed?”

He’s smiling at me, so sweetly, while he shakes his head.

“I know why but if I tell you that now, you’ll never really believe me and I’ll never get another chance to do this the right way.”

“You keep going on about courting me, doesn’t that strike you as weird? I’m the older one, not you.”

“But you’re the one that knows what he wants and I’m the one that fucked up. So I’m going to be the one to make this right, buy the flowers, do the chasing. I’m the one that needs to step up to the plate, Christian, you’ve already hit a home run.”

Okay, there’s no way I can not laugh at that analogy.

“You’re seriously going with that as an explanation?”

“Yep.”

Logic sometimes passes Jared by like trucks on the interstate, and I’ve kind of missed that.

“Have you got a room in town or do you need to borrow the sofa?”

“I have a room. Christian, I meant it, the right way this time. Let me prove myself please? To Dave, and Steve. To Jensen, and to the pretty lady I’m fairly sure is sitting at the top of the stairs just waiting for me to leave. Mostly though, I need to prove myself to you, and to me. I wouldn’t say no if you walked me to the door and let me hug you before I leave though.”

He’s serious; this is how he wants to do this.

In nothing more than a heartbeat it’s how I want it too.

“C’mon, I’ll see you out. I should be done by about five, six at the latest tomorrow, and I already told Beth I’d watch Pilot for her.”

Jared falls into step beside me, and he’s silent until I get the front door open.

“I’ll be here about five, but whenever you get home, that’ll be fine. We can work out where to eat and stuff then, right? If you don’t want to cook that is, because you don’t have to. Or we could just...”

“Jay, shut up. You don’t have to keep talking, I’m not going to change my mind, now just swallow me in one of those Padalecki hugs and go get some sleep. I’m going to be beyond tired tomorrow night, hell, I already am, but Pilot won’t be.”

And just like that, he’s leaning down and just curling his arms and his body around me. He smells fucking amazing but he feels so much better when I wrap my own arms around him and just hold on.

“It’s okay, Christian, I’m coming back. I promise.”

The words are right against my ear, and even though it takes me a minute or two, I do step back, breaking the hold we both have.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jared.”

“Yep, you will.”

One last quick, gentle squeeze of my hand later he’s gone.

But this time, he’s coming back. He promised.

He’s never done that before.

I should call Dave or go up stairs and tell Beth everything’s okay. I should do so many things.

Sleep would be good.

Instead I’m stepping out onto the porch and looking up at a bright, clear full moon.

Midnight or not, for the first time in months, I feel like I can finally see the sun.


End file.
